frus·tra·tion
/frəˈstrāSHən/
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Synonyms
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'Frustration' acrylic on canvas, painting two in the 'Journey of Hope' series. The brilliant red background is muddied by the darker foreground. Black hooks and slashes obscure the true original image. This photo of the painting focuses on the texture of the black overlay. Interesting that. I didn't do that on purpose.
Our enemy is exeedingly clever, he uses the same tricks over and over to prevent us from doing what we were made to do. When I first painted this I thought that the red represented my anger at my situation, and that it was emphasised by the high contrast of the black. Looking at it now I think that actually the red is more symbolic of my passion. It's been dulled down, and even though the covering layer has been scraped away and cleaned off in places the stains remain. It's interesting that the camera picked up on every little detail of the hooks because that's what frustration does to us I think. It makes us concentrate on the negative. We get stuck in a rut of destructive thinking. So we need to break that cycle, which is the hardest thing to do when you are in it. It helps to be surrounded by people who know you, and what you're going through, but who are good enough friends to know when to hand you a biscuit, and when to slap you round the face with truth. Just to clarify, not literally slapping, but literary (see what I did there?).
I'm finding it really hard to write about being in the place this painting represents, because I am not there any more. When I was there, it felt like there was no way out, there was no light at the end of the tunnel. If you have a moment, the tunnel was a deep dark cave and I was facing the back wall wearing concrete slippers so I couldn't even turn around and see where I had come from.
Look at those synonyms up there, disappointment and defeat. That is exactly what it felt like.
The definition of frustration raises something that I have re-learned recently: "the inability to change or achieve something". I've come to realise that this is complete codswallop. It is exactly what our enemy wants us to think, this I think is the concrete slippers I was wearing. Actually WE DO HAVE THE ABILITY to change situations and achieve anything we set our minds to. It is hard work. It means changing our mindsets which is actually like chipping away at concrete with a tiny chisel. It takes effort, determination and stamina. It takes strategy. Part of my strategy has been to write helpful things in a place where I see them on a regular basis. I bought some dry-wipe markers and wrote bible verses on my bathroom tiles. When I spend time on Pinterest I make sure I spend some of that time either looking at or posting to my 'Study' board. The front of my diary has a printout of specific verses and quotes that help me when I feel stuck, and that goes EVERYWHERE with me. All of these little things are gradually taking effect.
It would be amazing to be miraculously dramatically healed. But this way I feel that I am being strengthened, working out my spiritual and mental muscles, replacing destructive habits with constuctive ones. That's why this series is called 'Journey of Hope', the journey and the process are a valid and important part of my healing. My hope is that by documenting my journey it will bring hope to you where you are struggling and a reminder that you are not alone in your struggle.
